This was a status I put on my Facebook on Friday the 13th October:
World Mental Health Day was on Tuesday but I feel as though it should be something spoken about every day.
This is going to be a long post, so apologies, but I want to say it. Oh and yes this is a serious post for a change.
I have Borderline Personality Disorder, anxiety and depression. Some of you will know this already and some of you would have experienced the effects of it, on myself and on others. So firstly, I want to thank you for sticking by me and ‘putting’ up with me, especially people who have known me a long time and had the pleasure of going out drinking with me.
Secondly, for those who didn’t stick around, fuck you. There’s no other way to put it really. If we were friends, you clearly liked me, but gave up because I am ill. I know in the past I have been to much to handle, I have fucked with people’s emotions and said awful things in outbursts (usually when drunk) which I wish I could take back. But I can’t. The guilt sometimes consumes me. The pain in my head sometimes consumes me. Questioning every thought and emotion I have, fucking exhausts me. It is a struggle. Every fucking day. I live with it 24/7. And you couldn’t cope with it on the occasional day. Well, fuck you. That says more about you as a person and I wouldn’t want to associate with someone like that.
I just needed to get that out there, as I’m usually so nice and apologetic, so needed to say it before I backed out.
Borderline Personality Disorder is what it says on the tin, it is a personality disorder. There’s no cure. There’s no magic pill. It is a part of me, that I have to learn to live with. A part of me that I have to learn how to control and cope with. I have good days and some bad days. Okay, I can have some fantastic days and some god-awful shitty days, part of the disorder, I see and do things in extremes, no in between with me!
I guess what I wanted to really say, was that I am always ill. Whenever you see me, whatever day or time it is, my illness is always there, with every thought I have. It might be an invisible illness, but I live with it every day. And I can assure you I am not the only one. We walk amongst you. We work with you. We are related to you. Just remember that,
Oh and again, a big thank you to all of you, people I have known a few months to a few years, you make everything that bit easier and a bit brighter.
I don’t know why, but I thought I would receive some negative reactions to this post, whether it be by comments, private messages or people just deleting me. But it didn’t happen. People were very supportive and left some wonderful comments. It made me remember about this blog and how important it is to keep getting the message out there, that there is nothing shameful in having a mental illness.